Tuesday, February 22, 2011

God vs. The Space Aliens

(This is a classic tale. I wrote this about two years ago, as you can see I got into trouble for it too. I'll post it all here unedited for you guys to enjoy.) 


God vs. The Space Aliens

Silver Screemer
Posted: 5/2/2009 5:31:50 AM

Ok, so I was thinking about why God was so obsessed with sending "his people" to kill seemingly innocent cities and stuff. Take the town of Jericho for example.

Then it hit me. Jericho was filled with invading aliens! They were trying to attack humanity while we were weak and couldn't defend ourselves, so obviously God had to assist us in defeating this invasion. The Bible make's so much more sense if you think of everyone God commands to be killed not as a human, but as an evil alien in disguise.

Because the Bible doesn't make any friggin sense if God was pitting humans he liked vs humans he didn't like...

He obviously wanted the human males to rape the hot alien females so they could have the stronger half alien/half human hybrids that we are today. Otherwise it wouldn't make ANY sense that God commanded his army's to rape women.

See, now that we're all half alien, the aliens think of us as them, and they won't have to come and destroy us.

Moderation Information

Deleted: 5/3/2009 2:05:46 PM
Action: Warned (Top)
Reason: Offensive
Status: Appealed to Admin - You have appealed this moderation up to an administrator. It will be reviewed within 48 hours.

Moderation Reason - Offensive

Offensive Material - Users may not transmit or encourage others to transmit material or links to material considered patently offensive in nature. This includes, but is not limited to using vulgar, profane, or sexually explicit language; using race, religion, sexual orientation, culture, ethnicity, disability, nationality, or gender as a means of insult; using threatening, harassing, defamatory, hate-speech, or libelous language; and posting, requesting, linking to, or otherwise sharing material considered pornographic, obscene, graphic, or hate speech. Failing to abide by a warning that material or terms are offensive or prohibited is a violation.
Some additional notes on the Offensive rule:
  • Using terms for homosexuality or mental or physical disability as a means of insult in any way towards anyone or anything is considered offensive. This includes, but is not limited to, insinuating certain people (including video game characters) are homosexual or disabled in an insulting way, calling things "gay" or “retarded” as a synonym for "stupid", or using offensive slang terms. The use of any such derogatory language will result in an automatic suspension.
  • Jokes or humor about rape or incest are generally considered patently offensive.
  • Several other words and terms are flagged by the site censor when a message is posted, and users are clearly warned about the connotation and use of these words on the site. Failing to abide by the warning presented is a clear violation.
  • Links to sites with content that violates these terms are not permitted. Warning users about offensive content in a link does not grant permission to post that link.
  • Links to images or sites displaying images with nudity, near-nudity (i.e. see-through clothing, very skimpy coverings), or depictions of such are not permitted.
  • Images or descriptions of sexual acts, genetalia, or clearly graphic material (shock images, defecation) are considered offensive as well.
  • Using the word "rape" as a synonym for "owned", "destroyed", "decimated", etc is considered inappropriate.


Dispute Messages (My appeals to the mods and their replies)

You said on
5/3/2009 2:29:00 PM

This is posted on the Religion board, and is an interpretation of the classic Old Testament story. I'm not sure what is offensive enough about it to have me set to "warned" status.

Ok let me look at it...

Yeah nothing.

The whole point was to try and figure out WHY God acted as he did, in sending "his" armys against seemingly innocent town after seemingly innocent town. God should NOT be playing favorites, a human is a human.

So the idea I came up with is that God wasn't pitting humans vs. humans, but humans vs. aliens.

This isn't offensive, it's just a reinterpretation of the events.

Just because you don't agree with something doesn't make it offensive...

A Mod/Admin replied on
5/3/2009 5:26:25 PM

First off, claiming that aliens attacked Jericho is not only offensive to those who believe in the Bible, but it's also trolling. And second, claiming that men were sent to rape half-alien females is also offensive, since jokes about rape are not tolerated on here.

You said on
5/3/2009 5:56:22 PM

I never claimed that aliens attacked Jericho. I said the people of Jericho WERE aliens. (And how do you know they weren't?)

I also said the OFFSPRING was half alien, meaning our ancestors. The women being raped were 100% alien.

Also, The rape comes DIRECTLY from the bible, I was not "joking" about the rape.

Numbers 31:9 And the children of Israel took all the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.

Numbers 31:17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

Numbers 31:18 But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.

Numbers 31:35 And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him.

Here's a second occurrence.

Deuteronomy 20:13 And when the LORD thy God hath delivered it into thine hands, thou shalt smite every male thereof with the edge of the sword

Deuteronomy 20:14 But the women, and the little ones, and the cattle, and all that is in the city, even all the spoil thereof, shalt thou take unto thyself; and thou shalt eat the spoil of thine enemies, which the LORD thy God hath given thee.

There's a ton more, but I think I've made my point, In the Old Testament, God orders his people to march from town to town slaying the enemy, and "taking" the virgin women for themselves.

So I was saying my interpretation of what was happening, God was helping humanity fight space aliens.

A Mod/Admin replied on
5/3/2009 8:23:29 PM

Rape jokes and suggesting that the Old Testament is about aliens is quite offensive, actually.


You said on
5/3/2009 9:10:55 PM

I wasn't making "rape jokes". Seriously where is the joke in this? I was trying to explain why god would command his chosen people to do such a terrible thing. Is it less offensive to talk about god commanding his army's to "take" 32,000 virgin human women, than 32,000 evil alien women?

Is it less offensive to think of god sitting up in heaven killing millions of human beings? Seriously? You want to think of god as an evil human murdering monster?

All I was doing was trying to re-interpret the Old Testament in a way that made sense TO ME. Now I won't go into the whole freedom of speech thing because this is GameFAQs, and I know the rules are different.

But this wasn't offensive.

I'm not going to try and suggest I actually believe this idea, but what if I did? Are you seriously suggesting that no religious person believes in any unconventional things? What if my religion taught this particular interpretation of the Bible (as sects are known to do, there are young earthers, old earthers, literalists, apologists, and people that think the ENTIRE thing is basically parables and that it's all figurative, and everything in between.)

I personally have never been offended, so I don't really understand the concept. I do try to be respectful of others though. I have a feeling you're going to stand by this and uphold it no matter what I say. I also get the feeling that you aren't personally offended by this, but you fear someone else might be. I guess someone must have marked this post as offensive, and I would really like to know why, because it's obvious that the mods didn't even read the thing before they warned me.

I know 3 days is a minor thing, and I can just avoid GameFAQs for that time, I'm making a big deal out of this though because I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong. I put this on the Religion board. I did NOT joke about rape (All I suggested was that the alien females were hot, that is a descriptive verb not a joke). I can't fathom how anyone would be offended by this when the stuff in the Bible is one hundred times worse. (Although I will admit that is pretty irrelevant, the post and only the post are being discussed here, the only reason I bring up the Bible is to prove that my post was parallel to the book.)

There is absolutely no way to know that there weren't aliens here back then. There is no way to know that we aren't alien/human hybrids. There is no way to know this. I wouldn't say it's likely to be true, but what do I know? All I know is it's not offensive. And I referenced rape, I tried to rationalize gods motives for commanding his army's to rape and kill.

In closing... I don't see how speculating about god's motives is offensive. And that is the reason for this post. I was wondering how anyone could love a god that does such horrible things. If god helped us defeat aliens, that would explain a lot.It would show that God cared about humanity as a whole, and didn't play favorites tribe vs. tribe as is the "common" interpretation.

I still say it wasn't offensive, and I'm betting against the house on it. I know the odds aren't in my favor here, but I know the facts are. Hopefully that will be enough.

(Edit- I found the final reply from the mods)

A Mod/Admin replied on
5/5/2009 11:58:26 AM

I can't find a single sentence in that post that wouldn't offend a religious person.

There we go, the "famous" God vs. the Space Aliens fiasco. This eventually led to me getting a week, then a thirty day ban. But I'll get into that all in the next post... 

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