Once again... Adam and Eve!

Ok so, We are to believe that Adam and Eve is 100% true, correct? 

I’ve been told COUNTLESS times that “The fall” is responsible for everything bad. Death, sickness, hunger, needing to eat and drink, injury, mental illness, tooth decay, deterioration as we age, and everything else. The reason the world is unfair, is “The fall”. It’s the single most important event that has ever happened, at least as far as humans are concerned. Because of the fall we’re all born with sin. We had to sacrifice all sorts of various things to god because of the fall. Our BEST things. Our prized bull, our best crops, all because the fall happened. Hell was opened to humans because of the fall. 

This is a very important story and it’s important to understand exactly what happened. 

God makes Adam and Eve at the same time. No wait he makes Adam first then Eve later out of Adam's rib because Adam is lonely. Why god needed a rib is never explained. Well he needed dust to make Adam so yeah, whatever no reason to think about that too much. 

 

Adam and Eve are hanging out wondering how there was light before there were any stars, and god says “Don’t eat from the tree’s over here”. So they don’t. 

It’s important to think about Adam and Eve’s mental state at this point. What did they know? Next to nothing it would seem. They may have known things… but they didn’t know about good and evil. They were ignorant. They didn’t know the difference between right and wrong. They had one authoritarian figure in their life that told them what to do, and they did it. They were like little obedient robots. God said it and they did it. No questions, no speculation as to what God’s motives were. They were unable to do this. They didn’t have that ability yet. They couldn’t really distinguish commands by importance. They (commands) were all equal. What other commands did God give Adam and Eve? The story doesn’t mention any because they aren’t important to the story, but should we assume they were free to do whatever they wanted, as long as they followed the ONE rule? (Don’t eat from these two trees). That’s the way most people seem to interpret the story. 

Let’s step back and look at what happened before the creation of Adam and Eve. What happened? 

Popular opinion is that God was sitting up in heaven. (That exists before god created earth?) God has a lot of Angels that he made to tell him he’s friggin awesome. (Right? Why DID god make the angels?) 

So God is in heaven, which is literally the only place there is, surrounded by the angels he basically just made. And the Angels are basically his slaves? What the hell ARE the angels at this point? How long does this go on for? What actually happens?

Eventually God’s musician gains a fan club. God get’s royally pissed off at this. Now I don’t know what the relationship was like, but like… something seems wrong right from the start. God is like… alone. So He creates heaven for him to live in. And he creates angels to tell him he’s awesome. He gives the angles the abilities to do things… like, play music and sing songs about… how awesome god is, and nothing else?

Now if god really was all knowing he would have known when he created the Angels that some would eventually see through his BS and start thinking for themselves. And I guess God was ok with this. He needed his creations to have free will. Or else he would basically be a guy telling himself he was awesome. If they couldn’t choose not to love him, their love would be meaningless. It would be like building a robot, and programing it to say “I love you”. Sure you can build it, and it can say it… but it can’t mean it. 

So God surrounds himself with lesser beings, because he’s unable to surround himself with equals. They all love him at first, then some stop. This infuriates god, and god decides that it’s evil not to love him. “Thinking you’re better than me is bad!” Says god. So God takes all the angels that sided with Satan, or Lucifer, or whatever, (The real story behind those names is that they were… eh another story for another time) And he creates another place. It’s a terrible place, he sends the “bad” angels there. 

Well now we’re back to square one. The angels are freaked out because god lost his temper and sent a huge chunk of them to hell. They realize that they really don’t have the option of loving god or not, it’s either love him or pay the price. So The Devil is in this newly created hell, and he’s pissed. Why? Because he was frigging right. God isn’t worthy of love, or any better than any of them, he’s just more powerful. He’s a powerful, lonely, insane, guy, who tried to make himself some companions, and couldn’t deal when they decided they didn’t want to devote their lives to HIM. 

Let's review what's happened so far, God has created Heaven and the Angels. The angels split into angels and demons, and god created hell for the bad angels. Maybe angels turned to demons after arriving in hell, probably. 

So now it’s time for god to make us? I guess so, he’s done with his first project, the angels, bored of them. He made them too powerful or something. I don’t know why the Angels weren’t good enough, I guess because even the ones in heaven that actually loved him still knew too much, they knew what he did to their friends. And sure he could mind wipe them, make the angels in heaven mindless drones with no free will, but then well, what then? Does he wipe their minds constantly? How would that help with his loneliness and insecurity?

Yes, it’s time to make people. He has fun with this project. It’s not made clear whether where we live is bigger or smaller than heaven, we tend to think of heaven as like, a city or town. There’s no real sense of scale, whether heaven is bigger than our universes, and all the other universes, we don’t really think about. But god makes all the universes and sticks us here in our spot, on a tiny little spec of a planet. Uh, ok then.

God creates the planet, then he makes a nice garden and puts all the animals and plants into it, then he either makes man and woman, or just man, depending on what you read. 

From what I understand, the big difference between humans and angels is that we can reproduce. Having babies is the big difference, apparently angels can’t do that. In fact I wonder if angels even had a gender. Or god for that matter, if anything is trans-gender, god would be. What would god need with a gender? The only way it would make sense is if god is the last of his race, which is a whole other topic. 

So god creates people and he puts them into a garden, and says do whatever, but don’t eat from this tree.

A commonly asked question at this point is… why? (I mean, I know the answer, Christians won’t like it. The Tree is from another religion that Christianity was built on top of to get converts.) So ask yourself, why were the tree’s there? 

The devil, Satan, God’s only real enemy at this point, just waltzes into the garden unopposed, even though he’s supposed to be trapped in hell for “rebelling” against god by thinking he wasn’t worthless. This is the focal point of the story and no one gives it 2 seconds worth of thought. Why in the blue blazes was Satan allowed to stroll uninhibited into the garden? What did he fool god by pretending to be a snake and slither under the anti-Satan force field? How did he get in there? What was god doing when Satan entered the garden? Watching? 

I’ve been over this before, but really, it can’t be stressed enough. This story makes no sense.

So, The devil is a snake and he climbs the tree and hangs out and waits for Eve to walk by, then he says hey, come eat this fruit. At that moment God should have jumped in to protect her. God didn’t do anything, and this is before Humanity had committed a single sin. When we were his shiny new toy he had JUST finished putting together. Already, God was bored with us. 

At this point it’s important to re-iterate that Eve didn’t know the difference between right and wrong. God didn’t give us that ability because well, he gave it to the Angels and well, that didn’t turn out that great. So Satan saw that god was trying to deny us the free will that every living thing deserves to poses, and he jumped in to set things right. He was honest when he said we would benefit from eating. After Eve ate, she knew the devil was right, and went to go share it with her only friend Adam. She wanted to share the knowledge she had gained. 

Now I want to take another step back and point out that we don’t generally LEARN things from eating. But in this story we do. I also want to point out something else, a small little detail. Adam and Eve ate, before they ate the apple. I’ve had people tell me that people didn’t need to eat before the fall. This doesn’t seem to be the case at all does it? 

They eat from the tree, as I asked earlier, why was the tree there In the first place? Who knows, why was the devil allowed in? I don’t know, what did the other tree they didn’t eat from do? Who knows.

God comes down to walk with them and they’re wearing clothes, being all modest and stuff. God asks “Who told you you were naked?” and gets all pissed off, seemingly having to FIGURE OUT that they ate from the tree. I guess there was no alarm system. Some say god was just pretending to play dumb. Uh, ok sure, whatever, god is an actor. What ELSE was god “just pretending”?

So here we are, god knows we broke his rule, now what? Punishment time.

At this point, we’re lead to believe that the snake wasn’t the devil at all, just a snake. A normal snake that could talk. And was smarter than humans. A snake that was smarter than humans. And this is a literal story.

As a result god punishes all snakes to be snakes, and makes women hate snakes. He wants snakes to try to bite her kids, and her kids to try to kill snakes. He also for some reason greatly increases suffering from childbirth. Genesis 3:16 is a really weird one. It says that because of all this, woman are to be submissive to men. (and your desire shall be to your husband, and he shall rule over you.) You read it then pause and re read it. What the friggin hell?

Ok, moving on..

Thorns and thistles are a result of “the fall” and not because they’re good protection from things that want to eat them. God reminds Adam that he’s just dirt, and that he’s going to die. Then god himself makes leather clothes for them to wear. Then god tells the angels that if man eats from the tree of life, man will live forever. As if god would be unable to reverse this process. 

Genesis 3:22-23

Then Yahweh God said, 'The man has become like one of us, knowing good and evil.  He must be prevented from reaching out his hand to take from the tree of life, lest he eat from it and also live forever!'

God sure as hell doesn’t look all powerful here, just sayin.

So god builds a defense system around the friggin tree with a “whirling flaming sword” and cherubs to keep them from getting the immortality fruit.

There are a very specific set of things that happened in the fall. They are all listed neatly.

Also, none of this ever happened. What are you stupid? You think this is all true? It’s infuriating.

Really friggin infuriating.

Ok well, I’m done. Hope you had a nice read, I hope I got all my “facts” right. I think I did.