First Blog post, I’ll try to start with a bang. (No not THAT bang, I’ll do that later)

 
Ok, so, this is my first blog post. This blog will be about a lot of stuff. Here's my backstory.

Since I'm no longer tied to the boards decree that we stay "on topic", there will be many different topics, from comic books, to movies, to video games, and all sorts of other topics. The main focus will be religion, because well, it's a big interest of mine. I'm a strong atheist, I believe there is no god. I also believe there are no:

Souls, Ghosts, Goblins, Dragons, Fairies, Demons, Angels, Afterlives, Spirits, "Energy", Chi, Auras, Karma, Fate, Luck, Destiny, Unicorns (Invisible Pink, and otherwise), Miracles, Psychics, Telekinesis, Pyrokinesis, Rapture, Divine Healing, and I'll add to the list later if I think of anything else. I'm sure there's some pretty obvious stuff missing. And before you say it, no I'm not "closed minded", I'm open to changing my mind on an one of these things, if convincing evidence is provided. I am very proud to say I take nothing on faith. (And I will be writing about why I hate faith so much. Stay tuned for that. )

    
One worry I have is that I won't update frequently enough. I think if my writing is adequate, and what I say is explained in a way that makes it clear why I think what I think, and the readers are open minded, I'll get some readers. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think no one would ever want to read it. Wait... I WOULDN'T be doing this if I DIDN'T think NO ONE would ever want to read it. Yeah I think I need to get rid of that didn't. I wouldn't be doing this if I thought no one would ever read it. Yeah, perfect. As you can see I'm hesitant to press the backspace button, sometimes I think it's more amusing to just keep going and deal with your mistakes. If you guys disagree, tell me and I'll do more thorough editing.

So yeah, let's get started on the first topic, Jesus!

Jesus is a mythological figure, like Hercules or Thor, who people insist really existed. I do plan to delve into the historical stuff later, but this post is going to be about the story itself, and how ridiculously stupid it is. I'm going to talk about the birth, the death, the "sacrifice" he made, and the followers (then and now). It is my first post, so I may as well kick it off talking about (one of) the Son(s) of (one of the) God(s)! So without farther adieu, let's start this party with a bang. (No, not THAT bang, I'll do the Big Bang later)

So, the story myth of Jesus. (I'm going to sort of do the cliff notes version of this, maybe I'll expand on stuff later. Also, I'm going to do my best not to "misrepresent" the story. I won't be calling Mary a goblin queen (even though you can't PROVE she wasn't one) or anything like that, this time. I will be posting my personal spins on events of the Bible later though, starting with my famous reinterpretation of the book of Joshua in "Joshua vs. the Space Aliens".) So yeah, the story myth of Jesus is a popular tale, many little kids know all the important stuff by heart. I'm tempted to just Google "The story of Jesus" and see what it gets me… eh ok I'll do it.

 

The Story of Jesus . org

Welcome to the Story of Jesus

The Story of Jesus is the greatest story ever told. It is the true story of Jesus' life and death, what he did and what he taught. It is a story that calls us to respond to the question, "Who is Jesus?"

This story comes from the fourth book in the New Testament, the second half of the Bible. It is traditionally called "The Gospel of John" because one of Jesus' followers named John wrote it.

You are invited to read the story for yourself.

Thank you for reading His story.

 

Wow the greatest story ever told eh? Better than Spider-Man vs. Green Goblin or Batman vs. the Joker? Better than Half-Life 2 and Deus Ex? Better than the Lord of the Rings or Back to the Future? (Sadly the joke deteriorates after 3 examples, I could go on for hours giving examples of stories I think are better.) So yeah, "they" call it the greatest story ever told, I dispute that claim. So this site selects one of the 4 gospels and that's that. Maybe not the greatest example, but they're first on Google.

Oh excuse me, that was just the title page, there is more here, I'll post their summary unedited:

Summary of the Story of Jesus

 

John was one of Jesus' best friends. Before meeting Jesus, he and his brother James worked for their father Zebedee in the fishing business.

 One day Jesus came by and called John to follow him. John left his nets and for the next three and a half years listened to all that Jesus taught.

He soon became convinced that Jesus was far more than just another man, that he was God himself. He wrote this story so that you and I would come to believe the same.

 As the story begins you will meet another John, not the author. This is John the Baptist who came to prepare the way for Jesus.

 John the disciple stayed with Jesus to the very end. When his master hung dying on the cross John was there. In that poignant moment it was John to whom Jesus assigned the care of his mother.

John lived a long and full life. Toward the end of his life he ran into trouble for preaching the message of his good friend Jesus.

 The authorities banished him to Patmos, an island in the Aegean Sea, and it was there that he wrote Revelation, the last book in the New Testament.

Along with John's Gospel and his three additional letters (called Epistles), these books provide a unique insight into not only the story of Jesus but also God's eternal plan for mankind.

 Let your imagination take you back to the first century world where the man Jesus, an apparently simple Galilean carpenter, moves into the religious setting of his day, teaches the way of love, challenges the practices of the religious leaders and raises such hostility that before long he is put to death as a blasphemer and rebel.

But the story does not end there. Three days later Jesus rose from the dead.

 But let John be your narrator. He was there when it all happened and will tell you the story in his own words.

 The original story was written in the Greek language. What you are about to read is the same story, but put into contemporary English and told as a first-person account. Where John uses the pronoun "we/us/our" he is referring to himself and the other disciples.

 Before each new section there is a short introduction to the story that follows. These comments are in blue and are not part of the Bible. 
References, such as "(3:1-15)" refer to the chapter (3) and verses (1-15) of this passage in the Bible.

 

Ok I'm honestly starting to think I picked a target that was to easy. This particular "The story of Jesus" website, despite having the name, seems to be more about how awesome John is. Now I'm not going to invest time reading all the content of the site (although there doesn't seem to be all too much of it). They did say that the above text is "the greatest story ever told" though, so we'll go with that. I just find it hilarious that in a summary about the story of Jesus, they jump right into "John was…". Seems like they should start with "Jesus was...", but what do I know, I don't have any divine inspiration.

The summery says John was an uneducated fisherman who "left his nets" and went to follow Jesus around for 3.5 years. Then John was convinced Jesus was God, and wrote the story, to convince other's that Jesus was God. (I'm going to assume that's what happened because the quoted text says so, we have no way of knowing if John had an agenda, but the Text above suggests he did, so I'll go with that). So this says he had an agenda, to convince us Jesus was God. That means he may have embellished the events a tad. I'm sure he never downplayed Jesus' greatness. So these guys just assume everything John wrote was true "because he was there and wrote it in his own words". It's so tempting to go off on a rant about how we can't just believe things, because someone said so, especially supernatural things. Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Then it goes on and on about John, man I really picked a bad source. So screw it, I'm doing this on my own. Besides, any website I pick will be under the "No true Scotsman" scrutiny situation.

So yeah, this website got me distracted from my main point, Jesus never died. I know I'm spoiling my huge twist ending right from the start, but after all the dilly-dallying, I need a hook to keep you guys reading. I'll explain what I mean in due time.

The story of Jesus starts at "creation". (I'll get into this fiasco in more detail at a later time.) What we're expected to believe is this:

God always existed, don't question that. One "day" he decided to make all of existence. He eventually made Earth and People, (along with everything else, but that's for a later time). Adam was lonely (shows God's lack of foresight) so God made Eve. Adam and Eve were told not to eat from a special tree of knowledge. A talking snake(?) then tricked Eve into eating the fruit, and she was like, "Hey not being stupid is awesome, I want Adam to be smart too!" So she ran to Adam and convinced her to eat. He ate and then God found out and was pissed. I really want to get side tracked and go on about how stupid this is, but this is about Jesus. I promise I'll do it soon.

We'll now fast forward a bit. God is angry Adam and Eve ate the fruit, either literally or metaphorically. (And if it WAS metaphorical I'm curious as to what actually happened.) He demands blood sacrifice and makes a lot of evil rules. Demands his followers march around killing, raping, and pillaging. (I'll get to it I swear). God sends down fireballs, turns a woman to salt, kills countless babies, enhances a horn to destroy a city with sound waves, and Floods the entire planet, killing everything. Fast forward to Mary and Joseph.

Mary is a virgin, at least that's the translation we're told is accurate. We really have no way of knowing if she had sex. We have to just take the stories word for it, for the story to continue we have to say she was one. The first thing we have to take on "faith". So Mary and Joseph were told to travel to Bethlehem, for a census. (Ok that's plausible at least, although I've heard it argued that that never happened. I'm not getting into the historical stuff now though.) Mary is pregnant with Jesus, God's baby. We're told Joseph believes this because he saw an angel. If that's true, then ok, more power to him, but why should I believe it? I didn't see him seeing the angel, hell I don't even believe angels EXIST. So as far as I'm concerned the story of Jesus is impossible before it even starts. I can conclude right here that it never happened. Like if you told me about the time George Washington flew around like Superman, only nobody saw him but you. I wouldn't even need to give it any thought. I would know immediately that it never happened. You wouldn't have any evidence, and we know people can't just pick up and fly around like that. So why does all this religious stuff get a free pass? I don't know, it annoys me to no end though, all the stupid bullshit people believe.

Continuing on, we finally make it to the manager, and I'm skipping past so much, I know. I guess I'm worried about this being too long. Personally I love long posts. Writing and reading them, but I know not everyone does. I think it's already long but, well I can either edit it or do other articles on specific things and link to them. Jesus is born and everyone's happy. (Except the king because we need an antagonist to every story.) Jesus' life is well, far too detailed to skim over, I'll devote a full post to it, at another time. (May be a bit, I want to re-read all the relevant stuff first).

So here we are at Jesus' death. The story goes; Jesus died for our sins, paid the ultimate price, the ultimate expression of God's love to us. This is absolutely stupid, one of, if not the stupidest stories of all time. It doesn't hold up to one fraction of a second of thought. There are so many ways I could point this out. I think the simplest is the best:

God sacrifices himself, to himself, to force himself to forgive "sins" that we were born with, because Adam and Eve ate some fruit. It gets worse than that but it's already imbecilic enough as is. So the real question is, why couldn't God just forgive us, what did Jesus' death actually do? Well as a kid, I was told that when Jesus died on the cross he went to hell for 3 days, and had a boxing match with Satan. He won the match, and then we got the chance to go to heaven. (I swear this is what I was told, I'm not making this up. They even had a song about it and everything. )

So Jesus "dies" on the cross. I say "dies" because that's the word everyone uses. According to the story he never ceased to be or anything, it's not like for 3 days there wasn't a Jesus. He just went somewhere for 3 days, either heaven, hell, purgatory, or somewhere else.

Then he goes back to his body, it comes back to life, he shows people he's alive again, then he floats away. The way I see it, he didn't DIE. Death is nonexistence. Christians don't believe in death. (Well some do, but only for the unsaved). So when did he die? When he was on the cross? How is what he did a sacrifice? What did he sacrifice? His inferior human husk? The word death in the context of "Jesus died on the cross for our sins, that's the ultimate expression of love!" is… not accurate at all. It's some sort of vocabularial emotional manipulation. When we hear the word 'death", we naturally think of actual death. Ceasing to exist in any form. Here let me post the definition:

Death

 

–noun

1. the act of dying; the end of life; the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions of an organism. Compare brain death.

2. an instance of this: a death in the family; letters published after his death.

3. the state of being dead: to lie still in death.

4. extinction; destruction: It will mean the death of our hopes.

5. manner of dying: a hero's death.

6. (usually initial capital letter ) the agent of death personified, usually represented as a man or a skeleton carrying a scythe. Compare Grim Reaper.

7. Also called spiritual death. loss or absence of spiritual life.

8. Christian Science . the false belief that life comes to an end.

 

Wow, I used both Dictionary.com and merriam-webster.com, they both gave me the same results, so I'll go with them, oddly enough the "Christian Science" thing was on in both. I guess I'll get to that at another time. My point is, the definition we think of when we hear "death" doesn't apply to what happened to Jesus. I don't think any Christian would ever say it did. They would never say "When Jesus died on the cross it was the total and permanent cessation of all the vital functions" since his body is apparently, not vital to his continued existence. Jesus, in the story, had no need for his human body. He had a better one waiting for him the second he was done with his human form. Then he jumped back into his body and did some more things.

Even if the story WAS true, it still makes no god damn sense. You would have to be an imbecile to believe this shit. (Yes I swore, get over it you alarmist Christian dunderheads, your fucking censorship makes me sick, but that's a topic for another day)

Sorry to be so harsh, I try to stay mellow and calm, but this story is… nonsense of the highest caliber. To believe the story is true, fuck, I just don't know how anyone could swallow it. One has to accept so many things that we know aren't true. We know people can't come back from the dead, especially from a cross execution. Do you know what HAPPENS when you're on a cross like that? Your lungs liquefy.

(While I was looking for some detailed data on what happens when you die, I found a Christian website. Yeah I know I should have expected it, but Christians are some of the dumbest fucking idiots. This shit gets me so missed off, maybe I'll do a rant on this website, I'm still looking for recurring features, maybe I can critique religious sites? I doubt I'd be able to stand it though.)

Anyway, here's what happens when you're crucified:

When the legs are relaxed, the person's weight is supported on the bones of the wrist pressing down on spikes between the bones of the forearm. This causes, forgive the expression, excruciating pain. When the victim can no longer endure it, he can't help trying to stand up. This tears through the tissues of his feet, and as he rises, his lacerated back scrapes along the rough wood of the cross.

The intense agony and the eventually open wounds lead to dehydration and terrible thirst.

The pleurum -- and possibly the lungs -- gradually fills with fluid, and eventually the heart is compressed.

As the victim weakens, his struggles lessen, and the accumulation of fluid accelerates until finally the heart cannot beat any longer or no longer has the strength to do so.

So his lungs were liquefied, his body was destroyed, unsalvageable. But I guess that just makes it a better miracle right? Ugh, I'll get to miracles later. I know I keep saying that but this is the first post. I can only do so much at a time yah know? I'm tired and dizzy and pissed off now. It seriously angers me how people can be so stupid. This is just the beginning. I hope you religious people stick with me, I know you won't, but I can't sugar coat this stuff. I can't stay passive. I can't, I seriously care to much. People ask me why I care, I don't know, I just, hate living in a world full of people that believe god damn ridiculous things.

I
'll probably edit this down the road, but I just want to put it up now, be done with it, for now anyway. I hope I inspired you to think. That's my goal here.